Being President Should be Fun

The president of Vanuatu was in his office and his staff was seated around the big table, listening while he spoke.

"If such a tragedy does happen," he said, "then the United Nations and its members would have failed in their first and most basic duty to a member nation and its innocent people."

Department heads on the tiny island nation listened to him.

“Global warming is a serious challenge that has captured the world’s attention. And it will eventually destroy us…”

At that moment the meeting was interrupted by the arrival of an aide carrying a report.

“Mr President, I am here to give you a quick update on the malaria problem. After three years of fighting the outbreak in Utanlang we are beginning to make some progress. Mostly in the transportation of patients to the clinic. It is now possible for them to reach the clinic after a 30-minute boat trip followed by a two-hour car ride. Previously the villagers had to depend on their outrigger canoes, which added about five hours to the trip. And fewer of the people with malaria are dying.”

The president smiled. “Thank you, thank you, now please excuse us, we are in the middle of dealing with out Global Warming crisis.”

The aide left immediately and the president resumed his monologue.

“The tiny island nation of Vanuatu speaks with a big voice on global warming. We are calling for larger countries to make immediate carbon cuts. That is the only way to keep the seas from rising and submerging us...”

There was another knock on the door and another aide entered, also carrying a report.

“Sir, I am here to let you know about the success of our national plumbing program. We have found that some families have installed toilets and are no longer dependent on outdoor latrines. A few homes have also installed running water. It seems fewer people are dying in homes with toilets and running water.”

The president again smiled. “Oh that’s marvelous, truly marvelous, but we’re in a meeting about Global warming, as I think you know.”

The aide nodded and left the office.

The president resumed speaking to his staff.

“In the areas that will be worst hit by climate change, what do locals value and want prioritized?

Again the meeting was interrupted by another knock on the door and the entry of a third aide.

“Mr. President, pardon me for intruding, but we have discovered that most of the children in Vanuatu have never gone to school. Many of their parents keep them home because the kids who do go to school spend the entire day smoking marijuana in class.”

The president was looking annoyed by this interruption.

“We are in a meeting about the FUTURE of this nation, about the water that will cover it in a hundred years,” he shouted. “But all you can do is barge into the office and complain about malaria, whine about sewage problems and spew gibberish about kids going to school to smoke marijuana. Stop these pointless interruptions. We’re trying to run a country here!”