Saturday, November 28, 2009

Catch a Tiger by the...

Looks like Tiger Woods is headed for divorce court. Seems his beautiful blonde wife discovered he's been fooling around with another beautiful woman. Looks like they were caught Down Under. In Australia. Yeah, yeah, a coincidence both of them happened to be in the same town in Australia at the same time. Yeah that happens. All the time.

The first reports said Tiger crashed his SUV into a fire hydrant and then a tree. All that bad driving was given as the reason his wife had to break the rear window of the SUV to get in and "save him." He came out of the vehicle with scratches and cuts on his face. They said.

However, it is painfully clear that what we have here is a case of hell and a scorned woman. Mrs. Tiger was furious. So furious she went after him like she was, well, a tiger. Nails to the face. That wasn't enough, however, and she went for heavier artillery, grabbing his favorite weapon -- a golf club -- which she hoped to use on his head. Tee up that skull and knock it about 300 yards down the fairway.

However, he had the good sense to attempt an escape from his wife who was in a murderous rage. Though the latest press reports suggest he was trying to drive away from their house, it is more likely she was the one operating the vehicle.

When she failed to sufficiently tenderize his head with the golf club, she flashed on an episode of wifely homicide that happened a few years ago in Dallas. The wife of a prominent dentist who was having an affair got into their Mercedes and ran over her dentist husband, not merely ending her husband's affair, but also his life. Tiger's wife may have had a similar ambition after confronting him about his relationship with Rachel Uchitel, one smokin' hot babe.

The way the SUV -- that's Scorned Unhinged Voman -- careened around the yard, it seems only a driver in a psychotic state could nail a tree, a fire hydrant and smash the rear window. I'm assuming Mrs Tiger was stepping on the gas as he hopped over the fire hydrant, which she then ran over, and a second later, when he realized the vehicle was almost on top of him, he ducked behind a tree to prevent her from laying tire tracks across his body. After colliding with the tree, no doubt she threw the shifter into reverse, hit the gas and flew backwards into a low hanging limb that smashed the rear window.

If Tiger's blood is anywhere on the vehicle, it is on the outside

So. Is Rachel pregnant?


Blogger no_slappz said...

I am now wondering if Tiger looked over his shoulder while his wife was trying to run him down with the SUV, and while looking at the vehicle ran blindly into a tree, knocking himself out and scratching his face.

Will his dalliance lead to a divorce settlement larger than Paul McCartney's?

9:01 AM  
Blogger SNAKE HUNTERS said...

The perfidious nature in human vanity is so commonplace (yawn).

The probings of those expensive trial lawyers may provide us with all of the hot & lurid details...

unless of course, the defendant settles this one out of court! reb

4:48 PM  
Blogger no_slappz said...

Tiger said:

"As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I'm pretty sore."

"This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again."

"This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible."

"The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false."

Tiger Tales. Based on everything Tiger did NOT say, the claims that he is having an affair with Rachel Uchitel are true.

Tiger appears to be as transparent as former presidential candidate John Edwards when he was caught with Rielle Hunter after Elizabeth Edward's cancer had returned.

6:53 AM  
Blogger Winfred Mann said...

What wicked webs we weave.

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tiger is one hot horny mofo! Why can't I meet a man like that! Hook me up slappz!

6:42 PM  

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